So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
one might say we're banned from that church
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
