id be glad to
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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