Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sex in a hospital.. check
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
