insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
