the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
