You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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