Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
