Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
