Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
