Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
