respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
