I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
