I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
