i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
