And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
