accomplished twins. life is a go
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
