but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
