After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
