Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
