I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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