It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
