I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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