Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
