you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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