Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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