She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
