if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
