Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
