you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
