Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
