if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
