i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize