He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
