what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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