i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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