You really coming over, don't trick.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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