Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize