Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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