After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
