so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
