OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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