Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
