thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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