how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Barsexuality is the new black.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
