yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Randomize
