Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize