apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
