You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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