So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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