No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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