I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
