Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
