so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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