I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
