Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
