Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You work out of a Hotel?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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