Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
