even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
