bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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