I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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