so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
