even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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