why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
