Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
