i think my tv is drunk
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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