I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
