Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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