I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize