They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
