Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize