i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
