At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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