Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
