So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
