How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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