I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
