there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
