I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
