doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
