When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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