Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
