dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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