I accidentally had phone sex last night
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
