come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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