I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
