Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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