There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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