I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
