yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
