..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize