I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize