I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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