i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Randomize
