It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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