Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
