A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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