I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
